Time, time, time
Make time, give time, take time out
Win time, cost time, the time of your life
Spend time, sell time, the good times and the bad
Kill time, zero time, all the time in the world
Time watch, time travel, time to begin
Time table, time square, can I fit you in
Time frame, time to go, time that you grew up
But tell me...
How do you feel?
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Jokes!
Customer : Waiter,do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we
serve everyone.
Cus tomer : Waiter, is this a lamb
chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the
difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?
C ustomer : Waiter, there's a dead
beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very
good swimmers.
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in
my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he
won't drink much.
Cus tomer : Waiter, there's a fly
swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me
to do, call a lifeguard?
Cu stomer : Waiter, what's the meaning
of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a
waiter, not a fortune teller.
C ustomer : Waiter, this soup tastes
funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why
aren't you laughing?
Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to
the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be
funny. I mean to ask if I can take
this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm
afraid it's too heavy.
Te acher: Peter, why are you late for
school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that
I was playing football and the game
went into extra time.
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my
choices?
Wi fe : Yes and no.
A drunkard was brought to court. Just
before the trial there was a commotion
in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his
table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately
respo nded, "Thank you, your honor,
I'll have
A scotch and soda."
Cu stomer : If I post this
letter tonight, will it get to Delhi
in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it
definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to
Mumbai.
An absent-minded man went to see a
psychiatrist.'M y trouble is,' he said,
'that I keep
forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?'
asked the psychiatrist.
'Ho w long has what been going on?'
said the man.
Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.
1st thief : Oh ! The police is
here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th
floor.
1s t thief : Hurry! This is no time
for superstitions.
Ma n : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I
was born.
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A
bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is
grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
Wa iter: I've stewed liver, boiled
tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your
problems. Give the menu card.
Little Susie came running into the
house after school one day, shouting,
"Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school
today!"
"That's great, Sweetheart," said her
daddy.
"Co me in to the living room and tell
me about it."
"Well," began the confession, "I got
50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in
science."
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we
serve everyone.
Cus tomer : Waiter, is this a lamb
chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the
difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?
C ustomer : Waiter, there's a dead
beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very
good swimmers.
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in
my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he
won't drink much.
Cus tomer : Waiter, there's a fly
swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me
to do, call a lifeguard?
Cu stomer : Waiter, what's the meaning
of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a
waiter, not a fortune teller.
C ustomer : Waiter, this soup tastes
funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why
aren't you laughing?
Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to
the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be
funny. I mean to ask if I can take
this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm
afraid it's too heavy.
Te acher: Peter, why are you late for
school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that
I was playing football and the game
went into extra time.
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my
choices?
Wi fe : Yes and no.
A drunkard was brought to court. Just
before the trial there was a commotion
in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his
table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately
respo nded, "Thank you, your honor,
I'll have
A scotch and soda."
Cu stomer : If I post this
letter tonight, will it get to Delhi
in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it
definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to
Mumbai.
An absent-minded man went to see a
psychiatrist.'M y trouble is,' he said,
'that I keep
forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?'
asked the psychiatrist.
'Ho w long has what been going on?'
said the man.
Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.
1st thief : Oh ! The police is
here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th
floor.
1s t thief : Hurry! This is no time
for superstitions.
Ma n : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I
was born.
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A
bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is
grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
Wa iter: I've stewed liver, boiled
tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your
problems. Give the menu card.
Little Susie came running into the
house after school one day, shouting,
"Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school
today!"
"That's great, Sweetheart," said her
daddy.
"Co me in to the living room and tell
me about it."
"Well," began the confession, "I got
50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in
science."
When GOD speaks....
- 1... God won't ask what kind of car you
drove; He'll ask how many people you
drove who didn't have transportation.
2... God won't ask the square
footage of
your house, He'll ask how many people
you welcomed into your home.
3... God won't ask about the clothes
you
ha d in your closet, He'll ask how many
you helped to clothe.
4... God won't ask what your highest
salary was, He'll ask if you
compromised your character to obtain it.
5... God won't ask what your job title
was, He'll ask if you performed your
job
to the best of your ability.
6... God won't ask how many friends you
had, He'll ask how many people to whom
you were a friend.
7... God won't ask in what neighborhood
you lived, He'll ask how you treated
your neighbors.
8. .. God won't ask about the color of
your skin, He'll ask about the content
of your character.
9. .. God won't ask why it took you so
long to seek Salvation, He'll lovingly
take you to your mansion in heaven and
not to the gates of Hell
Funny Quotes...
If your father is a poor man,
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity.
...... ...... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
I was born intelligent -
education ruined me.
............ ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect..... .
so why practice?
....... ..... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
If it's true that we are here to help
others,
then what else are the others here
for?
.... ........ ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear
them
speak.
.. .......... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
How come 'abbreviated' is such a long
word?
... ........ . ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Money is not everything.
There 's Mastercard & Visa.
........... . ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
One should love animals.
They are so tasty.
.......... .. ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Behind every successful man, there is a
woman
And behind every unsuccessful man,
there
are two.
............ ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only
thing in
life.
..... ....... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become
otherwise.
...... ...... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.
...... ...... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.
.......... .. ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
'Your future depends on your dreams'
So go to sleep
........... . ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
There should be a better way to start a
day
Than waking up every morning
......... ... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
'Hard work never killed anybody'
But why take the risk
............ ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.
........ .... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.
.......... .. ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say........
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity.
...... ...... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
I was born intelligent -
education ruined me.
............ ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect..... .
so why practice?
....... ..... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
If it's true that we are here to help
others,
then what else are the others here
for?
.... ........ ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear
them
speak.
.. .......... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
How come 'abbreviated' is such a long
word?
... ........ . ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Money is not everything.
There 's Mastercard & Visa.
........... . ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
One should love animals.
They are so tasty.
.......... .. ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Behind every successful man, there is a
woman
And behind every unsuccessful man,
there
are two.
............ ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only
thing in
life.
..... ....... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become
otherwise.
...... ...... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.
...... ...... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.
.......... .. ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
'Your future depends on your dreams'
So go to sleep
........... . ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
There should be a better way to start a
day
Than waking up every morning
......... ... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
'Hard work never killed anybody'
But why take the risk
............ ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.
........ .... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.
.......... .. ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say........
Funny Quotes...
If your father is a poor man,
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity.
...... ...... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
I was born intelligent -
education ruined me.
............ ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect..... .
so why practice?
....... ..... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
If it's true that we are here to help
others,
t hen what etly are the others here
for?
.... ........ ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear
them
spea k.
.. .......... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
How come 'abbreviated' is such a long
word?
... ........ . ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Money is not everything.
There 's Mastercard & Visa.
........... . ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
One should love animals.
They are so tasty.
.......... .. ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Behind every successful man, there is a
woman
And behind every unsuccessful man,
there
are two.
............ ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only
thing in
life.
..... ....... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become
otherwise.
...... ...... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.
...... ...... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.
.......... .. ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
'Your future depends on your dreams'
So go to sleep
........... . ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
There should be a better way to start a
day
Than waking up every morning
......... ... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
'Hard work never killed anybody'
But why take the risk
............ ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.
........ .... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.
.......... .. ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say........
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity.
...... ...... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
I was born intelligent -
education ruined me.
............ ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect..... .
so why practice?
....... ..... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
If it's true that we are here to help
others,
t hen what etly are the others here
for?
.... ........ ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear
them
spea k.
.. .......... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
How come 'abbreviated' is such a long
word?
... ........ . ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Money is not everything.
There 's Mastercard & Visa.
........... . ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
One should love animals.
They are so tasty.
.......... .. ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Behind every successful man, there is a
woman
And behind every unsuccessful man,
there
are two.
............ ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only
thing in
life.
..... ....... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become
otherwise.
...... ...... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.
...... ...... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.
.......... .. ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
'Your future depends on your dreams'
So go to sleep
........... . ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
There should be a better way to start a
day
Than waking up every morning
......... ... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
'Hard work never killed anybody'
But why take the risk
............ ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.
........ .... ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.
.......... .. ......... .........
....... .. ......... .
......... ...
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say........
10 Reasons why GOD created Eve....
10. God worried that Adam would be
lost in the Garden of Eden, because he
wouldn't ask for directions.
9 . God knew that, someday, Adam would
need someone to hand him the TV
remote. (Parenthetically, it has been
noted that men don't want to see
what's ON TV. They want to see WHAT
ELSE is on.)
8. God knew that Adam would never make
a doctor's appointment.
7. God knew that, when Adam's fig leaf
wore out, he would never buy a new one
for himself.
6. God knew that Adam would not
remember to take out the garbage.
5. God wanted man to be fruitful and
multiply. But, He knew Adam would
never be able to handle labor pains
and childbirth.
4 . As "keeper of the garden," Adam
would need help in finding his tools.
3. Adam needed someone to blame for
the Apple Incident and for anything
else that was really his fault.
2. As the Bible says, "It is not good
for man to be alone."
1. And the No. 1 reason of all:
God stepped back, looked at Adam, and
declared ...
"I can do better than that."
lost in the Garden of Eden, because he
wouldn't ask for directions.
9 . God knew that, someday, Adam would
need someone to hand him the TV
remote. (Parenthetically, it has been
noted that men don't want to see
what's ON TV. They want to see WHAT
ELSE is on.)
8. God knew that Adam would never make
a doctor's appointment.
7. God knew that, when Adam's fig leaf
wore out, he would never buy a new one
for himself.
6. God knew that Adam would not
remember to take out the garbage.
5. God wanted man to be fruitful and
multiply. But, He knew Adam would
never be able to handle labor pains
and childbirth.
4 . As "keeper of the garden," Adam
would need help in finding his tools.
3. Adam needed someone to blame for
the Apple Incident and for anything
else that was really his fault.
2. As the Bible says, "It is not good
for man to be alone."
1. And the No. 1 reason of all:
God stepped back, looked at Adam, and
declared ...
"I can do better than that."
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